Hearing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    How Deaf?

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
    The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
    "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
    Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

    A hearing problem

    Hot 4 years ago

    An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart"?. No reply. Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply. 5' and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey"? His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."

    Hearing Aid

    Hot 6 years ago

    Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
    He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
    To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

    A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 P. M. And getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.
    The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict.
    When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"
    The bailiff shook his head and said, more...

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    (collected by journalists)
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    4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
    5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
    6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
    7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
    9. Stud Tires Out
    10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
    13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
    14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
    15. Eye Drops off Shelf
    16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
    22. Miners Refuse to more...

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