Fun List Jokes / Recent Jokes
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
- You can usually find someone to do it with.
- If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
- You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
- When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who got there first.
- A little coffee and you can do it all night.
- If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "bookteaser."
- You don't get embarrassed if your parents catch you.
- If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
You're an obnoxious little pest who hovers around people: NAT
You're good at archery and playing the violin: BEAU
You're hard to find, attractive, and never cheap: JULES
You help people get in shape: JIM
You're handy when it comes to fixing cars: JACK
You're always bringing legal action on somebody: SUE
You like windy weather: GAYLE
You like to walk around the house with a rag and spray bottle: DUSTIN
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook - they eat; we clean - they dirty; we iron - they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
Why do only l0% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What should you give a man who has more...
The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle.
Consumer Marketing Ethics
Al Gore: The Wild Years
Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
America's Most Popular Lawyers
Career Opportunities for History Majors
Detroit - A Travel Guide
Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
Easy UNIX
Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
Everything Men Know about Women
Everything Women Know about Men
French Hospitality
George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
How to Sustain A Musical Career, by Art Garfunkel
Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
The Amish Phone Book
And the Number One World's Shortest Book,
The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV. Even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other
You realize that your favorite dessert is wooder ice. (It comes in churry, strawburry and other assawrded flaverz.)
You find yourself using "Yo" and "Youse guys" when talking long distance to family members.
You know how to spell Schuylkill.
You think $2,500 a year for insurance on a 1977 Toyota Corolla is a bargain.
You find yourself at a nice restaurant thinking, "I wonder if they have cheese steaks?"
You visit New York and are impressed by how clean it is.
You believe the car on your left, flashing its turn signal and the driver pointing at your lane, wants you to close the gap with the car in front of you.
You can't eat french fries without Cheeze Whiz.
Street people greet you by your first name.
You don't think Wawa sounds funny.
You snub a cheese steak that isn't on an Amoroso roll.
Your parents, brother, sisters, aunts, and more...