Best Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Time is the best teacher;

    Hot 6 months ago

    Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

    A traveling salesman, in the middle of his two-week stint on the road, walks into a whore house. The salesman whips out $300.00 and hands it to the Madam of the house.
    "Give me the WORST lay you have here." he says.
    The Madam, looking confused, says, "But sir, for this kind of money, you can have one of my very BEST girls."
    The salesman, not to be discouraged, says, "Please, I just want the WORST piece of ass in the house."
    The Madam, now getting a bit upset replies, "Sir, for $300.00, you could get the best lay of your life."
    Sheepishly the salesman says, "I don't want the best lay of my life. I'm not horny - I'm homesick!"

    Planting the Lettuce

    Hot 6 months ago

    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back:

    "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    Magic Cure for Impotence

    Hot 5 months ago

    A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man. Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked. The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, "I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!"So the man takes his friend's advice and goes to visit this curious mystic. The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, "Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure." The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, "Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, more...

    Cosmo Quad Turbo RX-7

    Hot 5 months ago

    A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
    The young man replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It cost $1.24M.
    "That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?
    "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
    The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside? "Sure," replies the owner.
    So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
    Just then, the light changes, so more...

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