Fun List Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A guy's butt is never a factor in a job interview.

    A guy's orgasms are real. Always.

    He doesn't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

    Foreplay is optional.

    He never feels compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

    He doesn't give a rat's ass if someone notices his new haircut.

    The world is his urinal

    He never has to drive to another gas station because "this one's just too icky."

    Same work......more pay.

    Wrinkles add character.

    People never glance at his chest when he is talking to them.

    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

    Porn movies are designed with him in mind.

    Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

    Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

    Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

    I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

    Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

    It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

    Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

    Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

    Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

    Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

    Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

    I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

    I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

    Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

    EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

    If you can read this I can hit my brakes and sue you.

    Powerful Microscope, hosted by Seymour Cells

    Defending Yourself in the Courtroom, hosted by Iris Mye Case

    Safe River Crossing, hosted by Jethro D. Bote

    Home Demolition, hosted by Wallace Falling

    Curing Hunger Pangs, hosted by Aida Bigg Snacke

    TV Alternatives, hosted by Rita Goode Booke

    Solving Crimes, hosted by Anita Clew

    Protecting Your Valuables, hosted by Jules R. Missing

    How to Make Leather Crafts, hosted by Tanya Hide

    Giving Class Assembly Speeches, hosted by Audie Torium

    How to Sleep in Class While the Teacher Gives Notes, hosted by Chuck Bored

    IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
    AT WORK..........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

    IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
    AT WORK.........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

    IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior.
    AT WORK..........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

    IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
    AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

    IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
    AT WORK..........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

    IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
    AT WORK..........You have to share.

    IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
    AT WORK..........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

    IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid more...

    1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

    2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

    3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

    4. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

    5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

    6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie withonly 8 buttons.

    7. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

    8. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

    9. You find -40c a little chilly.

    10. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

    11. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.

    12. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

    13. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in more...

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