Cottage Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Island of Copper Sand is a great country. It once had a government so loved by
people, that it governed the country for 17 years until the society became a
Dharmista Samajaya (a just society).
The Minister for Land, Land Development and Great-Sand was a very honest person
named "Village-Leader District-Leader". These Copper-Sandinians used to have
very peculiar names such as "Vitory-Improver", "Love-Slave", "Treasury-Leader",
"Inner-Muddlier" etc. etc.
Once a minister from an African country paid an official visit to Cooper Sand. This
minister, being the minister for Construction and Land Development in his country
was very much interested in visiting the Great-Sand Project that consisted of
several vast dams in various places of the island. The funds for those gigantic
projects were provided by the Bank de Globe.
So, obviously the Copper Sand counterpart, more...

The Pope dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter greets him and says, "Glad
to see you; we've got your place all ready." Peter then takes the
Pope down the street and shows him his new home: a small but
comfortable cottage of 5 rooms. Peter advises the Pope to settle in,
and then wander around meeting the other residents.
The Pope meets many old friends and makes several new ones over the
next few days. One of these is a former lawyer who invites the Pope
over for lunch. On arriving, the Pope is astounded to see a 45 room
mansion, with built-in sauna and weight-room, a beautiful library, and
spacious, airy rooms.
After lunch, the Pope spies St. Peter on the street and says, "Not to
complain, but I'm curious as to why I have a small cottage while the
lawyer I just met has a stupendous mansion."
St. Peter replied, "Well, you see, we have many Popes up here, but
only one lawyer."

A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.
'I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off,' he replies.
'You dirty bastard!' shouts the barmaid, 'Get out before I get my husband.'
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.
The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
'I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,' he replies.
'What???' screams the barmaid, 'That's it! You're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.'
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
'Right. I'll give you one last chance,' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you.'
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
'What's up, love?' says the more...

A rich man was bored one day so he decided to take a stroll in the woods behind his house. He was walking along when he stumbled apon a little cottage with very fogged up windows.

This rich man had lived his entire life alone and being the curious one, he decided to rub the windows with his hand and see what was inside. What he found was a beautiful lady that had just come out of the shower in the corner of this one room cottage.

Knock, Knock, Knock. "Who is it?" the beautiful woman asked.

"It is I. A rich man." the man answered.

Figuring that only good can come out of the presence of a rich man for her, she opened the door.

"Oh beautiful woman, I'm lonley and curious. I have never seen another woman other than my mom. For a small fee, can you amuse me?"

"Sure." she replied. She could definatly use the money.

"I will pay you 1 million bucks if you will open the top more...

TRUE STORY
When I was 16, I went camping with my family. My girlfriend, who was also 16, went along with her family as well. We went to the same campground together because her parents knew mine and we're friends. I thought that this was perfect because now I could be with my girlfriend all summer.
One night, my girlfriend's parents were chatting with mine, so we sneaked away and went to have some "fun" at the cottage we were renting. So we got to the cottage but the door was locked so we ended up sneaking through a window.
We got really busy that night, having lots of "fun" with each other. During the climax, we heard a noise and we thought our my parents had come back. Then the next thing we knew, an elderly couple opens up the door before we could react, the next thing we saw was a shotgun pointing at us with the man asking us who we are and what we were doing in his cabin... while we were still having sex! We were horrified beyond belief! Apparently more...

FINALLY, a way to know what to throw-out and what to save!

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realise you've never purchased that kind.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or more...

* Freezer Foods:
ICE CREAM
If you can't tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out.
FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
* In the Fridge:
EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway - if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetite!
MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.
UNMARKED ITEMS
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