Three men die and go to heaven. They meet up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and he says, "Well, there's not that much room left in heaven, so you have to tell me an interesting way that you died, and if it's interesting enough, I'll let you in."So St. Peter goes into his office and calls in the first man.He says, "I was coming home from work one day early, and when I walked in the door, I had a strange suspicion that my wife was cheating on me. I walk into our room and sure enough, find her sprawled out naked alone on our bed. Sure that the guy was in the house, I searched frantically to find him... Under the bed, in the closet... Finally I found him hanging from our ledge on our balcony. Furious, I stepped on his hand and he went plummetting two stories down. However, he landed in a bush and I wasn't sure if he was dead yet. So I pushed the refrigerator out onto him. Later, I felt so guilty I committed suicide.""Wow," said St. Peter, "that's a more...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator.
Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy.
Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator *back* into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck - so they abandoned it.
Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for
himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?:
You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the
Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes
that the Electronics Came In
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When
You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!