Land Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Airline Announcements

    Hot 6 months ago

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
    safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
    are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
    lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
    to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
    please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
    you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
    After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
    enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
    lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

    Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

    Oregon Timber Rules

    Hot 5 years ago

    A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts.

    In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded,' What took you so long?' He replied,' Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.'

    Duck Hunting Lawyer

    Hot 5 years ago

    A big time lawyer from New York went duck huting in Kansas. He shot a duck while it was in the air. It happen to land in a feild next to were he was hunting. Across a fence.
    A farmer was in the feild with his tractor and saw it land on his side. The lawyer climb the fence to go get the duck.
    As he reach for it. The farmer said. Put that down. Thats my duck. The lawyer said no it's not. I shot it. it's mine. The farmer said it landed on my feild it's mine.
    The lawyer told the farmer that he was the best lawyer in N.Y. and he would sue him for every thing he has.
    The farmer said in Kansas we don't sue people to settle dispute. We do by the 1,2, 3 kick.
    The lawyer said. The 1, 2, 3 kick. Whats that.
    The farmer said we kick each other until one give up. And the one who give up first can have the duck.
    The lawyer was a body builder also. As he size up the farmer as he got off his tractor. He agreed to the 1, 2, 3 kick.
    The farmer said. I get to go first. more...

    Down the rainbow

    Hot 5 years ago

    3 women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead were told that if they slide down a magical rainbow and shouted what they wanted to land in they would land in it.
    The redhead shouted, MEN. and she lands in a group of men.
    The brunette shouts, MONEY. And lands in a pile of money.
    The blonde shouts, WEEEEEEEE... and well...

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