Accompanied Jokes

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    Hot 5 years ago

    A young man very much in love wanted to buy a Birthday present for his sweetheart. After much consideration he decided on a pair of gloves and on the following day accompanied by his sister, he went to the Chinese gift shop where he ordered a pair of gloves and his sister bought a pair of panties for herself.
    At the parcel counter the two parcels got intermixed. Unaware of this change the young man sent the wrong parcel to his sweetheart accompanied by the following letter.
    My dearest darling,
    This little present from me brings you my best wishes on your birthday. You may wonder why I chose this particular gift. You see darling, I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evening. I picked out a pair that was short and tight fitting because the sales girl told me this style was the current fashion.
    I hope the light pink color will appeal to you as it suits your complexion. This pair is said to be very durable when the sales girl more...

    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup,
    the doctor pulled the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is
    suffering from a very severe illness, combined with horrible stress. He will
    surely die if you don't do the following:
    Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in
    a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an
    especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had
    a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress
    "And most importantly, make love to your husband several times a week and
    satisfy his every whim. If you do this for the next 10 months to a year, I
    think your husband will regain his health completely."
    On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
    "Well, He said you're going to die," she replied.

    A visiting golfer was keen to play but the only person in the clubhouse was an old man accompanied by his dog.
    The old man said, "I'll play with you provided the dog can come with us." On the first tee the old man hit the ball 250 yds down the fairway. The dog sat on his hind legs and started applauding.
    The next shot from the old man landed on the green. Once more the dog sat on his hind legs and applauded.
    The old man's third shot of a 20 foot putt went right down the hole.
    Once again the dog sat on it's hind legs and applauded.
    The visitor said, "Does that dog of yours applaud every shot you take?"
    The old man said, "No, when I hit a bad shot he turns summersaults."
    "How many summersaults does he turn?"
    The old man said, " Depends how hard I kick it in the balls!

    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside andsaid, "If you don't do the following, your husband willsurely die". 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work. 3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores. 4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim. On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctorhad told her."You're going to die," she replied.

    The following are actual postings on Church Bulletin Boards in Churches from all over the USA.
    1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
    2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
    3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
    4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
    6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
    7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
    8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
    9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies more...

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