Feel Jokes

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    Holiday Party Memo

    Hot 6 months ago

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty



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    The Poo List!

    Hot 3 years ago

    The Ghost Poo: The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl.
    The Clean poo - The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper.
    The Wet Poo- You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
    The Wet Cheeks Poo- That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.
    The Second Wave Poo- This poo happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.
    The Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
    The Lincoln Log Log- The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking more...

    Camel

    Hot 4 years ago

    There is a new commander of a base of the French Foreign Legion,
    and the captain is showing him around all the buildings. After he has
    made the rounds the commander looks at the captain and says,
    "Wait a minute. You haven't shown me that small blue building
    over there. What's that used for?"
    The captain says, "Well sir, you see that there are no women
    around.Whenever the men feel the need of a woman, they go there and use
    the camel." "Enough!" says the commander in disgust.
    Well, two weeks later, the commander himself starts to feel in need of a
    woman. He goes to the captain and says,
    "Tell me something, Captain." Lowering his voice and glancing
    around, he asks, "Is the camel free anytime soon?"
    The captain says, "Well, let me see." He opens up his book. "Why, yes, sir, the
    camel is free tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock."
    The commander says, "Put me down more...

    Where are we going?

    Hot 3 months ago

    An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

    "How can you tell?" asked the American.

    "I can feel the cold air." he replied.

    A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.

    "How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."

    Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."

    The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed.

    The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."

    Making bets

    Hot 6 years ago

    A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more...

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