Die Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I Screwed your mom

    Hot 1 year ago

    A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him,' 'I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.

    Again, he hears,' 'Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.

    The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says,' 'Dad, go home, you're drunk!''

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    should
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

    ----------

    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    Bin Ladens Death

    Hot 2 years ago

    Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, consulted a psychic about the date of his death.

    Closing his eyes and reaching into the realm of the future, the psychic revealed the true answer. "You will die on an American holiday."

    "Which one?" asked bin Laden.

    "It don't matter," said the psychic. "The day you die will be made into an American holiday."

    ---
    Submited by Rudyard Yap

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME

    Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize, more...

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