Incident Jokes

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    REDMOND, Wa - The Microsoft Redmond Campus was rocked by tragedy today as Paul Fitzgerald, Test Engineer on the Windows NT Team, was brutally murdered in an apparently psychotic tirade by one of the "personalities" of Microsoft's latest operating system shell program, Bob. In the small hours of this morning, Java, the "friendly" coffee-drinking dinosaur, burst from the screen of Fitzgerald's computer, cutting a swath of destruction throughout the hapless worker's office and into the accompanying hallway.
    The beast was quickly subdued by Microsoft Campus Security upon failing to produce a valid Microsoft keycard, avoiding what could otherwise have been a tragedy of much greater proportions. He is currently undergoing psychiatric evaluation at the Washington Institute for Perfectly Valid Lifeforms Who in the Heat of the Moment Do Some Absolutely Naughty Things. Says Lars Opstad, chief spiritual more...

    China blames U.S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,? Fully responsible" for today? s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U.S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8:46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged.A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed "Panda Rash", told China's news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork's f-8 jet. "I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight." said the pilot "He could not shake the American foreign-devil" The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, taking more...

    I heard the basic story and indicated commentary on a local radio news
    program. Additional commentary is mine.
    Reported on WCDR, Cedarville, Ohio, on 22 August 1996:
    "No, that isn't a new speed bump. Highway workers in an Ohio county
    recently paved over a dead deer laying on the edge of the road.
    When asked why they did it, the manager of their garage said that they
    didn't see it. The mayor of a nearby town said that the deer had been
    laying there for about three weeks.
    "The Director of the Ohio Highway Department said that it is not the
    state's policy to pave over carcasses in the road."
    And then the reporter's commentary:
    "Not the state's policy? Does this mean this has happened before?"
    And my (imaginary) follow-up story:
    The game warden for that area, when he learned of the incident, began an
    investigation to see if the highway workers had engaged in poaching. When
    he learned that the paving more...

    Incident at the old swimming pool
    by jiM Mica
    I'm sure I've mentioned that I swim at the pool at work whenever I can. The pool seems to be the exercise venue for the halt and the lame. Professor Richs started going there years ago when he hurt himself running. I go there with my obesity and diabetes. And, Dr. Stan has been swimming since he lost the front end of a foot in a car accident a while back. Before the accident he was an ardent runner.
    Besides us old coots, the pool also serves as an exercise spot for many physically and/or emotionally challenged kids. They get brought to the pool by their parents and then get to swim under the watchful eye of our physical therapy students -and their instructors of course.
    The strangest thing happened a few weeks back when Dr. Stan and I were leaving the pool for the showers and a bunch of the young kids were being readied for their turn in the water. As we walked by the kids, exchanging pleasantries as usual, one of the more...

    Indiana Pacers guard Stephen Jackson recently apologized for an incident in which he fired a gun in the air outside a nightclub in self-defense.
    Pacers coach Rick Carlisle defended Jackson, saying "This episode comes as no surprise to fans of our team. We've known for years that Stephen shoots well from downtown."

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