Incident Jokes / Recent Jokes

Incident at the old swimming pool
by jiM Mica
I'm sure I've mentioned that I swim at the pool at work whenever I can. The pool seems to be the exercise venue for the halt and the lame. Professor Richs started going there years ago when he hurt himself running. I go there with my obesity and diabetes. And, Dr. Stan has been swimming since he lost the front end of a foot in a car accident a while back. Before the accident he was an ardent runner.
Besides us old coots, the pool also serves as an exercise spot for many physically and/or emotionally challenged kids. They get brought to the pool by their parents and then get to swim under the watchful eye of our physical therapy students -and their instructors of course.
The strangest thing happened a few weeks back when Dr. Stan and I were leaving the pool for the showers and a bunch of the young kids were being readied for their turn in the water. As we walked by the kids, exchanging pleasantries as usual, one of the more...

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision!
Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States, ” Fully responsible” for today’s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U. S. spy plane.
Officials have stated that at approximately 8: 46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged.
A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed “Panda Rash”, told China’s news agency that he saw the American blimp dive more...

A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. At that moment, the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She is rushed to the hospital where she recovers. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says "You're going to have triplets. They're fine, but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. "Don' t worry," he says, "after a few years, the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism."
Sure enough, the woman has three children. Two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing!". Her mother asks her what happened. Her daughter replies "I passed a bullet into the toilet." The woman comforts her and explains all about the incident at the bank.
A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I' ve done a more...

Two air traffic controllers collided in the tower at New York's La Guardia airport. The men involved in the incident were both focusing their attention on donuts and coffee they were individually carrying when they crashed into each other, spilling the contents on a radar machine and short-circuiting it. The controllers however, did not follow FAA regulations by reporting the incident and instead relied on binoculars to observe air traffic at the busy airport. As a result, all 10,000 air traffic controllers nationwide are being required to retrain in the proper procedure of holding a donut and coffee mug so as not to disrupt operations. "We feel secure that flying will be safe again after the retraining is completed," an FAA official said in Washington.

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard more...

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96

SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT

Stock Price Increases 50%

"We`ll do it better," Says Microsoft

CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.

It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.

Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.

Spindler allegedly more...

India wins Cricket match; 120 people die of shock
Bihar sold to Pakistan; Resulted In an unrelated incident: Literacy
soars up to 86% in India and in another interesting incident Pakistan's
literacy rate also increases by 50 %.
Population Statistics: 42% - Literate, 58%- Politicians.
Flood in Bihar; 2 die of thirst.
India wins Gold in India versus Rest Of India Games
Poverty to be eradicated in India using Virtual Reality Software.
Laloo to be made National Animal.
Ramar Pillai produces Pottasium Permanganate from rice, water, a
stick and some Pottasium Permanganate.
No bombings in Kashmir today
Suit filed holding Sharad pawar responsible for Battle of
Panipat, 1526.
Doctorate conferred on Jayalalitha for completing 2 months in Jail
Death penalty upheld for Attempted Suicide victim.