Accompanied Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup,
the doctor pulled the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is
suffering from a very severe illness, combined with horrible stress. He will
surely die if you don't do the following:
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in
a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an
especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had
a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress
worse.
"And most importantly, make love to your husband several times a week and
satisfy his every whim. If you do this for the next 10 months to a year, I
think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"Well, He said you're going to die," she replied.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor
called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a
very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Try to be
pleasant in general, and make sure he stays in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious meal. For dinner prepare something nice and healthy again. Don't burden him
with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will
only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several
times a week and satisfy his every whim. "If you can do this for the next 1 to 2
months, I think your husband will regain his health completely. On the way home, the
husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going more...

A visiting golfer was keen to play but the only person in the clubhouse was an old man accompanied by his dog.
The old man said, "I'll play with you provided the dog can come with us." On the first tee the old man hit the ball 250 yds down the fairway. The dog sat on his hind legs and started applauding.
The next shot from the old man landed on the green. Once more the dog sat on his hind legs and applauded.
The old man's third shot of a 20 foot putt went right down the hole.
Once again the dog sat on it's hind legs and applauded.
The visitor said, "Does that dog of yours applaud every shot you take?"
The old man said, "No, when I hit a bad shot he turns summersaults."
"How many summersaults does he turn?"
The old man said, " Depends how hard I kick it in the balls!

2004 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you who hate pooping at work, here is the 2004 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an
ESCAPEE; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel more...

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: more...

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet more...