"How Cold Is It?" joke

An annotated thermometer
60 Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens
40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Minnesota ice cream sales peak
British cars don't start
25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 Too cold to ski
Snow removal becomes political controversy in Chicago
You need jumper cables to get the car going
5 You plan your vacation in Houston
American cars don't start
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate
-10 German cars don't start
Ice fishers close the doors on their shanties
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Street salting becomes political controversy in Chicago
Miami residents cease to exist
-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
People in Wisconsin think about taking down the screens
Japanese cars don't start
-25 Too cold to think
The Milwaukee Brewers head for Spring Training
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-30 You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Swedish cars don't start
-40 Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50 Congressional hot air freezes
Green Bay Packers practice indoors
Alaskans close the bathroom window
-60 Wisconsinites put away gloves and take out mittens
Polar bears move south
-70 Minnesotans replace diving boards with hockey nets
Green Bay snowmobilers organize a trans-lake race to
Sault Ste. Marie
-90 The edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
Wisconsinites pull down their ear flaps
-100 Elderly people from Michigan's Upper Peninsula travel
south to Wisconsin to enjoy warmer weather
Glacier removal becomes political controversy in
-170 Whiskey freezes
Only cherries from Door County, Wisconsin are usable in
Old Fashioneds
-297 Oxygen precipitates from atmosphere
Microbial life survives only on Wisconsin dairy
-445 Superconductivity begins
-452 Helium liquefies
-460 All atomic motion ceases
Hell freezes over
Illinois drivers drop below 85 mph on I-90
Mayor of Chicago and Governor of Illinois reach
agreement about glacier removal plans
Minnesotans allow as how it's getting nippy

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