Chicago Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Transfering to Chicago

    Hot 5 years ago

    A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.His co-worker said to reconsider and that Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, close to Canada, good public transportation, etc.Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working."The first asked, "What did you do there?"To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."

    Speedy Flight

    Hot 4 years ago

    Not realizing that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard, a blonde inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a flight to Chicago.
    "The next flight to Chicago departs at 1:00 PM," the ticket agent said, "and arrives at 1:01 PM."
    "Would you mind repeating that, please?" asked the blonde.
    The agent repeated the information and then asked, "Would you care to make a reservation, sir?"
    "No, thank you," replied the blonde, "but I do think I'll stick around and watch that thing take off."

    Chicago Cubs For Sale

    Hot 3 years ago

    It was reported that at the end of the season the Chicago Cubs will be sold.

    Current ownership is looking for anyone willing to piss away $5.

    early and often

    Hot 5 years ago

    The chairman of the Chicago Board of Election Commisioners visited a 114 year old woman who registered to vote for the upcoming election. During the press conference, the woman's 82 year old grandson said that he doubted whether she would actually vote on February 5th, since she doesn't know who any of the candiates are, but since this is Chicago, he was sure that someone would vote for her.

    On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

    The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

    One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

    DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of' Mate Match'?"

    Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have."

    DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is more...

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