Sleeping Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Sleeping?

    Hot 1 year ago

    What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
    Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.

    THE Big Fight

    Hot 1 year ago

    J" bar, drinking
    The Blackeye "Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it. Jabu answered, "Our house is very small, Miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' I say, 'no' and then he hits me and gives me a black eye."
    So the teacher says to him, "When your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer."
    The following morning, Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.
    But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again.
    "My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
    He tells her, "Ma'am, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started doing... you know...'it' on the bed. Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' then my mom says, 'Yes, I'm coming. more...

    Microsoft and ZZZZ

    Hot 6 years ago

    In my life, when I read comics, I thought the "zzzz" in those little balloons indicated someone was sleeping! Boy, did I miss the boat, and it took me all these years to figure it out! All that wasted time! With the help of Bill Gates (the man who avoided changing the lightbulb by redefining darkness as the standard), I have, indeed, seen the light.
    Now, I finally know what all those "sleeping" people in those comics had on their minds!
    If you want to see what I'm babbling about, start up Microsoft Word, type in "zzzz" (without the quotes, of course) and hit the spell check. Now you too can be enlightened!
    REMEMBER it has to be 4 letters of z. Try using the thesaurus too.

    Sleeping with mother

    Hot 1 year ago

    Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
    Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karen, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.
    The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said O.K.
    After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.
    As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
    As more...

    3 viagra pills

    Hot 5 years ago

    A guy goes to his doctor and says,
    "Doc, I have a problem."
    "My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday."
    "I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
    The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."
    The man says, "You have a deal Doc."
    Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.
    The doctor asks, "What happened"?
    The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"

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