Swimming Jokes

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    Hot 1 month ago

    ALL DIET FAQ's answered...
    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
    So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
    Need grain?
    Eat chicken.
    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
    Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
    Q: Is swimming good more...

    I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, "What have you got there?"

    I replied, "Hummus."

    If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

    Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, Willie says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"
    Monica says, "Oh, I don't know..."
    "Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!", says Willie.
    Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue.
    As they are swimming away, Willie says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"
    To which Monica, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."

    Q: Why do swimming teachers
    like elephants??
    A:Because they never forget
    there trunks!!

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