Virginia Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    AT&T fired PresidentJohn Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". Hereceived a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackingintelligence... With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police inOakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricadedhimself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to havea gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts... And These Nitwits Are TeachingOur Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspensionunder his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoefferallegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump more...

    Three college students were rapping about who they'd like to be cast off on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. "Never heard of her." his companions protested. "Who is she?" "Why she's just the greatest Italian gal of all, making the headlines in the newspaper," replied the third man. "See, here it is on page one: FIVE DIE LAYING VIRGINIA PIPELINE"

    "I'd like the number for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator.
    "There are multiple listings for Christine Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?"
    The young man hesitated a moment,
    "Well, uh, most people call me Snake."

    (Washington DC) Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
    (Virginia) A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
    (Washington DC) A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled - leaving his wallet on the counter.
    (Virginia) A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle more...

    (Washington DC): A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check - a forged check. He got 10 years.
    (Virginia): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
    (Maryland): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole - are you ready for this? - the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
    (Washington, DC): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he more...

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