"Stupid, Stupid People" joke

Hot 4 months ago

AT&T fired PresidentJohn Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". Hereceived a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackingintelligence... With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police inOakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricadedhimself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to havea gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts... And These Nitwits Are TeachingOur Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspensionunder his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoefferallegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." And a student in Belle, WestVirginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. Schoolprincipal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not tobe confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy... Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay toGnaw Through the Straps... Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of ablaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newlyinstalled fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than lastyear," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my newsecurity system..." And for the Main Course... Aman in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarettelighters, and a pair of salad tongs.. The Getaway A man walked into aTopeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, thetake was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for threehours until police showed up and grabbed him.. Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?! InOhio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inchwire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to helphim find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn thatthe man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drilland had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.. Have I Got a Deal for You! More than600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece forthe first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be spacetravelers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors ofruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis andenjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views.Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running thisscam made off with over six million dollars... Too Well-Educated In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder ofthree people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If Ihad chosen another field, all this may not have happened..." Did I Say That?! Police in LosAngeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during alineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Giveme all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what Isaid!"Ouch, That Smarts! A bank robber in Virginia Beach gota nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in hisFruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants ashe was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around,"said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside hispants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody... Are We Not Co

After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family.
"But-where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him.
"Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a more...

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it more...

Old Granny Parkinson had won over half a million dollars in the lottery, but as she was a frail little woman her family was concerned that the shock of hearing the news might prove too much for her. Accordingly, they called in the family doctor to ask his advice.
"I`ll more...

Two men were quite drunk after attending a company party and wanted to leave the hotel, but they had no idea which way to go.
FInally, they spotted a bellhop. "Hey, buddy," John slurred, "how the heck do we get outta here?"
The bellhop pointed down more...

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