Policy Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.

    Insurance Policy

    Hot 5 years ago

    Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone," they replied.
    "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything."
    "Well we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks - one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
    "How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
    "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman. I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
    "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
    "What's that?" he asked.
    "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
    Morris was gone about six hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets more...

    Five Bad Questions

    Hot 6 years ago

    There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in an issue of Sassy magazine. The five questions are:
    1 - "What are you thinking?"
    2 - "Do you love me?"
    3 - "Do I look fat?"
    4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
    5 - "What would you do if I died?"
    What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
    1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five more...

    NEW SICK LEAVE POLICY

    Hot 3 years ago

    TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
    SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY
    * SICKNESS
    No excuse... We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
    * AN OPERATION
    We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
    * DEATH
    1. Other than your own, this is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead more...

    The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of
    Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
    has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
    receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
    of the wife becoming a mother.
    There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
    sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
    anniversary.
    Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the
    government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.
    He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
    nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
    instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
    interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:
    Lady: Oh, Good Morning.
    Man: How do you more...

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