A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said.' I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man' There is more than one type?'
'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied' The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'
Still confused the man asked' What is the difference between them?'
The lady responded' It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out more...
(A true story from my friend in the Army)
In this particular branch of the Army's officer training school,
the instructor was returning a test. The students identified their
work by the last four digits of their Social Security number. In the
early hours of a morning, the instructor was calling the numbers.
"Four-seven-seven-zero?" he asked.
"Here," replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper, though,
he realized he had mistakenly asked for the wrong paper.
"Seven-zero-seven-five?" asked the instructor.
"Here," repeated the student, gearing for trouble.
"I thought you were four-seven-seven-zero, soldier," spoke the teacher.
"That's right, sir," answered our hero. "I have a nick-number."
A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get overhere!" The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?" The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!" Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, "See? That man has balls!" The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!" The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?" The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him andthen kill yourself." Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blowsaway the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds. The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!" The admiral says, "That's nothing." He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump offthat tower!" The more...
A soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.
The sergeant said, “We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a
little test. Type this,” he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. “That's fine,”" he said. “Report for work at 8 tomorrow.”“But aren't you going to check the test?” the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned. “You passed the test,” he replied, “when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.”