Marine Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Slap Happy Marine

    Hot 1 year ago

    A young Marine and his commanding officer climbed on board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. The only place they could find to sit was right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

    After a while, it became obvious that the young woman and the young soldier were interested in each other, but the young woman kept glancing nervously at her grandmother.

    Soon the train passed into a pitch black tunnel. There was the sound of a passionate kiss followed by the sound of a stinging slap. When the train emerged from the tunnel, the four sat there without saying a word.

    The grandmother thought to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, and I'm glad she slapped him."

    The commanding officer sat there thinking: "I figured he'd try to steal a kiss, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

    The young woman was sitting and more...

    Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise!

    Breaking up with a Marine

    Hot 11 months ago

    A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
    Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
    Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky
    The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends,
    aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
    There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
    Dear Becky,
    I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
    Take Care, Ricky

    Sharing Hotel Rooms

    Hot 10 months ago

    By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken."You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where.""Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.""No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager."Never better."The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?""Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine."How'd you manage that?" asked the manager."He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. more...

    Razorback Hogs

    Hot 10 months ago

    As the President was getting out of the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.
    The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said, "Nice pigs, sirs."
    "These are not pigs, young man," the President replied. "These are authentic Arkansas Razoback Hogs. I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."
    "Excellent trade, sir!" replied the Marine.

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