Herpes Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Early Retirement

    Hot 2 years ago

    To all staff
    Early Retirement
    Due to the current financial situation, management has decided to give all workers over 30 yrs an early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Retirement). Persons who have been RAPED & SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme For Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.
    Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependant or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Early Personnel Scheme). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
    Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives it's more...

    Dead Frog

    Hot 4 years ago

    One day a twelve year old walks into a bordello dragging a dead frog on a string behind him, slaps a hundred dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
    The madam looks at him and says, "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
    He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
    The madam says, "Okay, have a seat, she'll be down in about thirty minutes."
    He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "She has to have active herpes."
    The madam starts to sputter and ask why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "Active herpes."
    She responds, "Okay, have a seat - it'll be about five minutes."
    Two minutes later, a woman comes out, and they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal... As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay, why did you want someone with active herpes?"
    The twelve year old more...

    What the difference between true love and herpes? - Herpes lasts forever

    What's the difference between mono and herpes? You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

    Bill walked into his favorite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie, the bartender, "Where's Beverly, the waitress?"
    "She's dead," replied the bartender.
    "Dead?" asked Bill.
    "She died from herpes," said the bartender.
    Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes."
    "You do if you give it to Big Louie!" said the bartender.

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