True Story Jokes / Recent Jokes

A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast, and everybody had to be off the
streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm.
"Why did you do that?" the soldier was asked by his superior officer.
"I know where he lives," came the reply, "and he wouldn't have made it."

One of my teachers always jokes around with us and during class and all the kids talk about his personal life. And one day during class our teacher bent over to pick his pen up and his hiney was all up in my friends face.
And my teachers favorite student said "Hey MR.***, why are you wearing a thong, and then everyone started saying things like "he's wearing a pink frilly thong!" or "it has to be XXL!" And then Mr.*** said loudly "My personal life is none of yalls buisness! Alright?" And every one, including me said "no!" And Mr.*** said " Me and my thong ain't none of yalls buisness!" Clearly Mr*** just admitted that he wears a thong! Everyone busted out laughing, and our teacher was REALLY blushing! LOL!!!

Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life at the Lost
and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on her (the medics said the
woman had merely fainted). Says Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of
habit she performed mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table,
too."

In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and
Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, Calif., as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the large flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) crammed against the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.

BUXTON, N.C. A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the
Outer Banks used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Va., but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. You
just wouldn't believe the outpouring of concern, people digging with their
hands, using pails from kids," Dare County Sheriff Bert Austin said.

The re-release of George Lucas' "Star Wars" raked in millions.
"This came as a relief to Princess Leia who had fallen on hard times
and was considering becoming a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers and
Ocean Spray." (Joshua Sostrin)
Says Paul Ecker, "Teenagers all over the country are asking the same
question: Who's Mark Hamil?"
The film was enhanced with even more special effects. "In a related move,
Sweden will re-release Ingmar Bergman's films "enhanced with even more
gloom,'" (Michael Edens)