1997 Jokes

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    There was a man who

    Hot 5 years ago

    There was a man who computed his taxes for 1997 and found that he owed $3407. He packaged up his payment and included this letter:Dear IRS:
    Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw'. (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I just saw an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.Sincerely, I. Getscrewed Everyear

    1997 Darwin Award Winner

    Hot 2 years ago

    You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
    gene pool the biggest service by killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily
    stupid way.
    The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top
    of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
    In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO (rocket) unit to his car
    and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the roadbed.
    And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the few Darwin winners to
    survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he
    graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
    Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to
    satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
    One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He more...

    A self-important young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
    The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. They cost $100,000."
    "That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
    "Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly.
    The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
    "Sure," replies the owner.
    So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
    Just then the light more...

    As you know by now, in 1997 we shall all be a single community, with a single business market, and to facilitate the most productive and efficient use of working hours within the EU, plans are now well under way to implement the decimalisation of time. The old imperial system of 60 seconds to a minute, 24 hours to a day and 7 days to an imperial week is ridded with inconsistencies and is naturally therefore confusing and in urgent need of reform.
    The new system, to come into effect on June 1 st 1997, is to be called 'Eurotime' and will offer a vastly simplified 'decimalised' time programme, with 10 Euroseconds to the Eurominute, 10 Eurominutes to the Eurohour, 10 Eurohours to one Euroday and 10 Eurodays to one Euroweek. Further to this, there will be 10 Euroweeks to one Euromonth and ten Euromonths to one Euroyear. Decades will remain unchanged.
    As the new Euroyear will be composed of ten as opposed to twelve months, it is proposed that the months be completely standardised more...

    DETROIT-With third-quarter salessluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motorsunveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulousprizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will comestandard in all of the company's 1997 cars. "Auto accidents have never been soexciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contestto boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Ora year's worth of free Mobil gasoline." Though it does not officially beginuntil Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, withfeedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, 'Oh, boy, this could be it-I could be a big winner!'" more...

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