Survivor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?

* 6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.
* Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes.
* There is no access to fast food.
* Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
* The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done: There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
* The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making four lunches.
* They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 am; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
* The kids vo

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter.
In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The
contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin,
San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will
proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa,
Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and
on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that
reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate
your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone.

As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.' 'Thank God'', he cried out in relief.' 'I am saved!'' The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.

The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame.' 'You can't judge me for this,'' he insisted.' 'I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?'' The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief.' 'I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down more...

Survivor
Flush with the success of its latest creation, CBS is launching a new version, called Jewish Survivor. 16 Jews are put in a two-bedroom flat near Brent Cross in London. Each week they vote out one member until there is a final survivor who gets £1 million (but placed into a trust that does not vest until age 59). The Rules:
1. No maid service, no au-pairs.
2. No use of ATMs or credit cards.
3. No food must be bought in from take-aways or be delivered. This includes Chinese food.
4. All purchases must be retail.
5. Outside trips must be by foot, bus or underground. No cars, hire cars or taxis allowed.
6. All workouts/exercise must be done in regular sweatshirts - no designer labels.
7. There will only be one phone line for all 16 Tribe members. No call can last more than 3 minutes.
8. No mobile phones allowed.
9. No telephone calls to mother (for women), or the office (for men).
10. Maintenance problems must be resolved more...