The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought more...
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"
And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"
Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground..."
One day the lone ranger and tonto are out riding in texas. they stop at a bar and start to have a drink. then a big guy comes in and says "who's white horse is outside?"
the lone ranger stands up and says " what abuot it ?" the man says "well your horse is about to faint" so the lone ranger told tonto "go run around silver and see if you can get some air movin" a couple minutes later anoither guy walks in and asks who's white horse it is outside. the lone ranger stands up and says "what's wrong with my horse?!!!" the guy says "nothins wrong with your horse you just left your injun runnin".
The Lone Ranger & Tonto are camping in the desert, they have set up thier tent and are asleep.Some hours later, the lone ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up and tell me what you see"
Tonto replies"Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"asks The Lone Ranger.Tonto ponders this for a minute and replies"Astrnomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies playing host to billions of stars & planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.Timewise It appears to be 3:15am.Theologically, it is evidentthe Lord is all powerful and as small insignificant beings we pale in his presence.Meteorologically, we are in for a clear and beautiful day tomorrow with a light easterly breeze in the morning."
"What it tell you Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, looking at Tonto in amazement, then says:
"Tonto you F*CKWIT... Someone has stolen our tent."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the manycanyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds ofindians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that thereare hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, onceagain, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back awayin the direction from which they had come and they realise, they weresurrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto, my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times togetherbut now I think we are doomed"." We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"