Ruled Jokes / Recent Jokes
Great Britain used to be an Empire, ruled by an Emperor.Then it was a Kingdom, ruled by a King.Now it's a Country.
If Women Ruled the World...
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding
rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he's
breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would
increase by 40 pounds.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity
"Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily
clad male models.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of
bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for one
of the credit.
Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
Men would bring drinks, chips and more...
"If Men TRULY Ruled the World!"... Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history! The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle". Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps". Tanks would be far easier to rent. Two words..."Ally McNaked". Birth control would come in ale or lager. Garbage would take itself out. The funniest guy in the office more...
(AP) The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening at 12:42am.Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation.Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming...Foul play has not been ruled out.
Cromwell and Rasputin
by
as submitted to
Dr. Richard King
The following essay was an actual submission by a student, who was given the assignment: ''Write a term paper
comparing and contrasting two revolutionary figures of your
choice. The figures are to be selected from different
periods of European history.''
Unlike most papers of student bloopers, which are collaborative
efforts, this one is the work of the exceptionally fruitful pen
of a single student. Read it and enjoy!
The English and the Russian revolutions had a leader
that stood out to have an effect on the revolution. For the
Russian it was Rasputin. He was born in the reign of the
Tsar-Emperor Alexander the Second, absolute ruler of over a
hundred million people consisting of fifty some nationalities
and speaking nearly two-hundred-different languages or
dialects. This empire stretched from the Prussian border to
beyond the Pacific Ocean. Rasputin was more...
What famous chiropodist ruled England? William the Corn-cutter!