Coming Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Thinking of ex

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship.
    "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you."
    "Why, because you miss me?"
    "No, because it keeps me from coming too fast."

    The Poo List!

    Hot 4 years ago

    The Ghost Poo: The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl.
    The Clean poo - The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper.
    The Wet Poo- You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
    The Wet Cheeks Poo- That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.
    The Second Wave Poo- This poo happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.
    The Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
    The Lincoln Log Log- The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking more...

    Grandma's Visit

    Hot 4 years ago

    Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T."

    She continued, "There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

    "Grandma, that sounds easy," replied the grandson, "but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

    To which she answered, "You're coming empty handed?"

    It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war games.
    A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?"
    "I don't have time to deal with this right now" the lieutenant thought.
    He grabbed a broom and handed it to the solder. "Here us this instead."
    "How is this going to work?"
    "When you see the bad guys coming at you, just point it at them and say 'Bangity Bang Bang'".
    So the private ran out with his new "rifle". But soon he came running back to the Lieutenant saying "Lieutenant, I can't find my bayonet!"
    The Lieutenant grabbed a pencil off his desk and gave it the private. "When you see the bad guys coming just hold this up and say 'Stabity Stab Stab.'"
    So the private was all ready for his war games. He was sitting in his fox hole minding his own more...

    Mumbai to Pune

    Hot 5 years ago

    This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
    Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

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