Ronald Jokes / Recent Jokes

An ANAGRAM, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following examples are quite astounding!

Dormitory = Dirty Room
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in' em
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
Semolina = Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it

This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare] To be or not to be: that is
the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune. = In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our
insistent hero, more...

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.
He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not more...

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he more...

I should state that Ronald MacDonald is probably a registered
trademark of the MacDonald's Restaurant Corporation of
America or something.
I recently saw an advertisement for MacDonalds. In it, a young
girl is talking to Ronald MacDonald. The setting is somewhere
in North America, most likely, judging from the accents and
scenery. The girl says she's running away to MacDonaldLand,
and Ronald says, "MacDonaldland? That's where I'm from."
Suddenly, it all made sense. Why is Ronald MacDonald, the
grotesquely made-up and attired being, so far from MacDonaldland,
the only place where he could fit in? Obviously, he's in exile.
A few years ago in MacDonaldLand, Mayor McCheese, having grown
paranoid and megalomaniacal in his years secluded in his
mayoral residence, declared a state of emergency. He rationalized
this act by pointing out increased felonious activities by the
Hamburgler, and obliquely referring to rumors that more...

Jimmie Carter, Ronald Reagan, Geroge Bush and Bill Clinton stood in
front of the Great OZ.
Carter steps forward.
OZ: What would you like today?
Carter: I would like courage.
With a great puff of smoke, Carter was given the courage to tackle any
problem.
Reagan steped forward.
OZ: What would you like?
Reagan: I would like some brains.
With a great puff of smoke, Reagan was given the brains to solve and
remember many great problems of the day.
George Bush was next.
OZ: And for you?
Bush: I would like some heart.
The puff of smoke came and went, Bush gushed with heart and compassion
for his fellow man.
Clintion was left.
OZ: And last but least, What would you like?
Bill looked to the left and then to right and whispers, "Dorothy around?"

New York, NY - September 2004

6: 00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6: 30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance

6: 35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6: 45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6: 46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary? ”

7: 30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7: 35 PM - Trent Lott: “Re-segregation in the 21st Century”

7: 40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner

8: 00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next

8: 10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8: 15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children

8: 30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8: 50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future

9: 00 PM - Condi Rice sings more...