Level Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
    in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the
    year.
    All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach
    up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level
    on the man lying beside her.
    All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
    of French Bread.
    It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
    someone in the control tower to talk you down.
    Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
    scuba diving.
    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
    hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in
    there and you can travel to any other part of the building
    you want without difficulty.
    If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
    ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
    You're very likely to survive any more...

    God and the Deluge

    Hot 6 years ago

    (I don't remember where I heard this, but I don't think it was in church...)
    During a particularly wet winter, flood waters rise so high in one
    town that the national guard evacuates all the residents. One man
    stays behind, however, and when the water is waist-high, two national
    guardsmen in a boat motor past his house, checking for people left
    behind.
    "We're evacuating the town because of the flood! Jump in the boat
    and we'll carry you to safety!"
    But the man says, "No, don't bother; I've led a pious life, and the
    Lord will save me."
    The men in the boat shrug their shoulders and motor away. Later,
    when the water level has driven the man onto his roof, another boat
    appears.
    "Haven't you heard the town has been evacuated? Come on, we'll save
    you!"
    But the man sends them away again, saying "No, no, the Lord will save
    me!"
    The water level keeps rising until the man more...

    Dear Sir,
    I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
    I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
    Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly more...

    1997 Darwin Award Winner

    Hot 2 years ago

    You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
    gene pool the biggest service by killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily
    stupid way.
    The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top
    of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
    In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO (rocket) unit to his car
    and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the roadbed.
    And now, the 1997 winner: Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the few Darwin winners to
    survive his award-winning accomplishment. Larry's boyhood dream was to fly. When he
    graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
    Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to
    satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.
    One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He more...

    During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.Most dogs are immortal.If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before more...

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