Laloo, Jayalalitha, and karunanidhi are on a long flight in an Air Force plane. Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs. 100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha not wanting to be outdone says,
"If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs. 50 notes throw them down and make two people down below happy."
Of course karunanidhi doesn't want these two candidates to out do him so he pipes in,
" I would instead take one hundred Rs. 1 notes and throw them out to
make 100 people just a little happier."
At this point the pilot who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore comes out and says,
"If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 100 crore people happy!"
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Canada sunbathe
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.
Distilled water freezes.
The Saskatchewan River water gets thicker.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Canadians throw on a sweatshirt.
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Canada lick the flagpole.
People in Miami cease to exist.
Canadians get out their winter coats.
Canada's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets more...
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she more...
Mahathir, Anwar and Daim are on a long flight in an executive jet. Daim pulls out a RM100 bill and says' I'm going to throw this RM100 bill out and make someone down below happy.' Anwar, not wanting to be outdone, says,' If that was my RM100 bill, I would split it into 2 RM50 bills and make two people down below happy.' Of course Mahathir doesn't want these two ministers to outdo him, so he pipes in,' I would instead take 100 RM1 bills and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.' At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says,' I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 20 million Malaysians happy.'
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am. How did you know?"
"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am. But how did you know?"
"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."