March Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Genie joke

    Hot 2 years ago

    One day an old jewish pole, living in Warsaw, has his last light bulb
    burn out. To get a new one he'll have to stand in line for two hours
    at the store (and they'll probably be out by the time he gets there),
    so he goes up to his attic and starts rummaging around for an old oil
    lamp he vaguely remembers seeing.
    He finds the old brass lamp in the bottom of a trunk that has seen
    better days. He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in
    cloud of smoke.
    "Hoho, Mortal!" says the genie, stretching and yawning, "For releasing
    me I will grant you three wishes."
    The old man thinks for a moment, and says, "I want Genghis Khan
    resurrected. I want him to re-unite his mongol hordes, march to the
    Polish border, and then decide he doesn't want the place and march
    back home."
    "No sooner said than done!" thunders the genie. "Your second wish?"
    "Ok. I want Genghis Khan more...

    12-mile march

    Hot 3 years ago

    I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan and one requirement was a
    demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
    An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would
    ever come. “Men,” our sergeant yelled, “You're doing a FINE job. We've already covered four miles!”Revitalized, we picked up the pace. “And,” continued Sarge, “we should reach the
    starting point any minute now.”

    Firm Grasp of the Obvious Department
    From the Notebook pages of The New Republic 1995
    Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
    - Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
    Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us
    - Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
    Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
    - The New York Times, November 22
    Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
    - The Los Angeles Times, November 2
    'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
    - Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
    Alcohol ads promote drinking
    - The Hartford Courant, November 18
    Malls try to attract shoppers
    - The Baltimore Sun, October 22
    Official: Only rain will cure drought
    - The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
    Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men
    - The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
    Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
    - Newsday, July 11
    Man shoots neighbor with machete
    - The Miami Herald, July more...

    I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march.
    We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
    An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
    Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," he continued, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."

    Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can't march.Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? A: A goalpost that can't march.Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? A: Have them miss every other note.Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy? A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I more...

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