Reagan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. -President Gerald Ford "My fellow astronauts..."-Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration. "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."-Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."-Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President "I stand by all the misstatements."-Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes "Gerald Ford was a Communist"-Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'. "Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C. "We found the term 'killing' too broad."-State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary more...

** All of the following quotes have been attributed to Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.. . **

'The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.'

'I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.'

'If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate.'

'First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.'

'I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less.'

'The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.'

'I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?'

'People have criticized me more...

Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word. Voice Over: And the password is... black dick! Nancy: Um... is it a place? Her partner: No. Nancy: Is it a person? Her partner: No. Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something Imight want to eat? Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe. Nancy: Is it black dick?

George Bush brainstorms for ways to get Reagan out of office. He triesto hypnotize the president but it backfires and he turns himself into"RoboBush." Jim and Tammy Bakker

George Bush, the vice president of America, walks into the Oval Office one morning to find Ronald Reagan laughing hysterically.
"Mr. President, sir," inquires Bush, "what on earth is so funny?"

"I just found out that Ed Meese has been paying twenty dollars every time he screws Nancy," chokes the delirious president.
"My God!" screams Bush. "That is not funny! That is a national scandal!"

"Why?" laughs Reagan, wiping his eyes. "That idiot! I screw her for free!"

When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failedexperiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was ademagogue. When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evilempire, I knew he was a dangerous kook. When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War byescalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclearannihilation. When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiatedits past, I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reaganhad nothing to do with it. Because if that fool Reagan was right all along... what kind of fool am I? -Jules Feiffer

Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the advancement in technology in USA. Come with me." Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the ground." Zail Singh digs. Reagan says, "More, more, more..." Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet. Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?" Zail Singh, "I got a wire!" Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years ago we used to have telephones!" Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan to India. In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the advancement in India!" He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig. After some time GyaniJi says, "More.. . more... more!" Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet. Zail Singh says, "Find anything?" Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!" GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone WIRELESS!"