A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him,' 'I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.
Again, he hears,' 'Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.
The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says,' 'Dad, go home, you're drunk!''
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought more...
Q:How do you kill a blonde?
A:Stick a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list...
If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she's holding in her lap while driving,
she blames the restaurant.
If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors,
you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.
If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.
If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty,
you blame the government for not providing clean ones.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend more...