Clearly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Too much thinking...

    Hot 2 years ago

    Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

    Good Advice

    Hot 3 years ago

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, Jim, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as
    well as informative:
    Dear Dr. Laura:
    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
    the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
    specific laws and how to follow them.
    1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor more...

    This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

    My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

    A Doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast.
    The Doctor, clearly miffed, blurts to his wife, "You aren't so good in bed either!" and stormed off to work.
    By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home.
    After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answers the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"
    "I was in bed."
    "What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"
    "Getting a second opinion."

    A Doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. The Doctor, clearly miffed, blurts to his wife, "You aren't so good in bed either!" and stormed off to work.
    By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home.
    After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answers the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"
    "I was in bed."
    "What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"
    "Getting a second opinion."

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