Carter Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
    Time Limit: 3 WKS
    Name: _____________________________
    1. What language is spoken in France?
    2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
    particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
    conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
    3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
    ___ A. build a bridge
    ___ (b) sail the ocean
    ___ (c) lead an army or
    ___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
    4. What religion is the Pope?
    ___ A. Jewish
    ___ (b) Catholic
    ___ (c) Hindu
    ___ (d) Polish
    ___ (e) Agnostic
    (check only one)
    5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
    6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
    is on the 5?
    7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
    8. What are people in America's far north called?
    ___ A. Westerners
    ___ (b) Southerners
    ___ (c) Northerners
    9. Spell: Bush, more...

    IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great, But... there are problems that can't wait! Now Benton's fine, and Carter too, But Ross and Susan just won't do! Now who do you think that we should hire, Since both of them today I'll fire? Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...But the paramedics just pulled up.Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got? Shep: This little boy has just been shot! His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.We did all we could to stop the leak.Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip... Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip? Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair, So I shoved her-lightly-down some stairs.Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three! Doug and Susan! Come with me! Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see? We've got some more; one, two, and three.Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be? Explain it, tell more...

    IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -
    Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great,
    But... there are problems that can't wait!
    Now Benton's fine, and Carter too,
    But Ross and Susan just won't do!
    Now who do you think that we should hire,
    Since both of them today I'll fire?
    Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see...
    Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree...
    Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt...
    But the paramedics just pulled up.
    Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got?
    Shep: This little boy has just been shot!
    His pulse is faint, his breath is weak.
    We did all we could to stop the leak.
    Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip...
    Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip?
    Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair,
    So I shoved her-lightly-down some stairs.
    Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three!
    Doug and Susan! Come with me!
    Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see?
    We've more...

    Land of Oz

    Hot 4 weeks ago

    Three past US Presidents are travelling on the Yellow Brick Road on their way to meet the Wizard. Each of them is missing a little something and hope the Wizard will be able to help them. When they meet the Wizard, he asks each in turn what they need.
    "I could really use some courage," says Jimmy Carter. "That's no problem," says the Wizard and Carter gets his courage.
    Turning to Ronald Reagan, the Wizard asks what he could use. "Oh, if only I had a brain," replies Mr. Reagan and presto, he has his brain.
    The Wizard then looks at Bill Clinton and says, "Tell me, Mr. Clinton, what do you want most?"
    Without hesitation, Clinton replies, "Is Dorothy around?"

    Entrance Exam

    Hot 6 years ago

    Collage 268 27 MAY 96
    SUBJ: College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version
    Time Limit: 3 WKS
    Name: _____________________________
    1. What language is spoken in France?
    2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
    particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
    conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
    3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
    ___ A. build a bridge
    ___ (b) sail the ocean
    ___ (c) lead an army or
    ___ (d) WRITE A PLAY
    4. What religion is the Pope?
    ___ A. Jewish
    ___ (b) Catholic
    ___ (c) Hindu
    ___ (d) Polish
    ___ (e) Agnostic
    (check only one)
    5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
    6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
    is on the 5?
    7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
    8. What are people in America's far north called?
    ___ A. Westerners
    ___ (b) Southerners
    ___ (c) more...

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