Ram Jokes / Recent Jokes

MANGE Ram's friend from a foreign country visited India for the first time. He asked Mange Ram tips for safe driving on Indian roads as he wished to proceed on a sight-seeing tour in his own car. Mange Ram advised:' While driving, if you come across a roadways bus, just slow down and let it pass. If a truck approaches you, pull your vehicle to the side and start again only when it has passed. But if you see a Fauji truck approaching you, stop your car in the side track, get out of it and climb a nearby tree.'

MRS Ramlal was so fond of her newly purchased fridge that she involuntarily put everything in it, and then forgot all about it. One day, her husband handed over the arrears of dearness allowance, which he had got from his office, for safe custody. As usual she put the envelope in the freezer. After a few days when Ram Lai enquired about it, she failed to recollect where she had put it. After a week of searching, Ram Lai found it lying in the deep- freeze tray. He remarked:' You have been able to freeze at least the D. A. of your husband!'

Ram: “Can this parrot talk? ”

Shopkeeper: “Yes! it repeats everything it hears. ”
(after a few days, at the pet shop)

Ram: “This parrot cannot speak at all!! You said it repeats whatever it hears. ”

Shopkeeper: “I know! This is because it is deaf!!! ”
Animals.

Son: Pop... what is the Ramayan stuff that all my friends in school talk about.. Pop: So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or reserve or somethin'. Since he was going, for like, somethin' like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his bro along. You know... so that they could all chill out together. But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts, bows and arrows, so it was fine. But then some bad boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were our man, and his bro Lakshman, pissed! And you don't piss this son-of-a-gunz' coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him. So anyways, you don't mess with more...

Ram, Shyam and Santa Singh died. When they went up to the clouds, Ram and Shyam were asked to go to Heaven and Santa to hell.
Santa also wanted to go to Heaven and after a lot of pleading, he somehow managed to ask the Judge to have a test in the subjects English, maths and History.
In the English test Ram was asked to spell "cat", Shyam to spell "rat" and santa was asked "Thiruvanthapuram". Santa fainted.
Next day, in Math test, Ram was asked to the table of 2. Shyam, table of 5 and Santa was asked table of 59. Santa fainted again.
In History test, Ram was asked "How many world war has taken place?" He answered "2".
Shyam was asked, "How many people died in second world war?"
He answered "about one million".
Santa was asked to name the people who died in second world war. Santa died again.

This article came from a fellow named Keith Wortham.
In anticipation of a PC MAGAZINE review of the well promoted but NON-AVAILABLE Microsoft Windows 4. 0, he went ahead and wrote it in the typical "objective" style the magazine usually uses with Microsoft products. He is planning to submit it to the magazine before they can come out with their own bubbly "review" of the promised product.
As you know, the magazine carries big ads for Microsoft. From what I am told, ZIFF-DAVIS, which owns PC MAGAZINE, ALSO OWNS A SUBSIDIARY THAT HAS THE MARKETING ACCOUNT FOR MICROSOFT! (Does that strike you as a bit of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and ample incentive for total "non-objectivity?")
Quoting Keith Wortham:
"The latest issue of PC Magazine contains the exciting and long awaited news that there will be an article on Windows 4. 0 appearing in the next issue. To save those of you who do not subscribe from having to buy the magazine, we thought more...

The place where a friend of mine works was going through the process of upgrading all of their computers. On one computer in particular, they had determined they needed more memory.

One of the senior partners got it into her head that they needed more "MEG." My friend tried to tell her that what they needed was RAM, but she insisted that the machine had plenty of RAM and that they needed more Meg -- specifically, about 16 megabytes of Meg.

He got tired of arguing with her and said to go down to the computer store and buy some Meg. She came back with an envelope with RAM in it... on the envelope was written "16 megabytes of Meg."

"The salesman tried to tell me the same thing you did," she told my friend, "but then he went and talked to his manager, and he set him straight. Now go install this Meg."