Prayer Jokes / Recent Jokes

AN unmarried girl prayed,' Hey Bhagwan, I never asked you for anything. But please grant my mother a son-in-law.'
Bhagwan heard the girl's prayer. Her sister found a husband!

During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema
prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting.
The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and
the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up... The
rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to
do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98 year old
man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped
the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition
was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction
of the
congregation.
The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the
tradition to stand during this prayer?
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
The one whose followers sat said, "Then the tradition is to sit more...

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer more...

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

A Short History of MedicineI have an earache... 2000 B. C. - Here, eat this root. 1000 A. D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A. D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A. D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A. D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A. D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

"Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B. C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 B. C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1850 A. D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion." 1940 A. D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill." 1985 A. D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic." 2000 A. D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on `It`s a Terrible Experience`."

12. "Due to the Rector`s illness, Wednesday`s healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare`s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

17. "Today`s Sermon: `How Much Can a Man Drink?` with hymns from a full choir."

18. On a church bulletin during more...