Wishing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Delayed Plane

    Hot 4 years ago

    One day a little boy was playing with his airplane in the dining room while his mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
    He decided that it was time for the plane to come in for a landing.
    He set it down on the table and said, "All you assholes who want to get off, get the hell off! All you assholes that want to stay on, stay the hell on!"
    Hearing this, the boy's mother comes running out of the kitchen and says, "I can't believe that...where did you hear...go to your room until I call you!" "Okay, mom," says the boy as he sulks up to his room.
    About an hour later, the boy's mom calls him back downstairs and says, "You are a young boy and we don't use that kind of language in this in this house."
    "Okay," says the boy and goes back to playing with the airplane. "All right, all passengers wishing to depart the plane, please do so. All passengers wishing to remain on the plane, please do so. And all you assholes who more...

    Pilot Wisdom

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
    2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
    3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
    4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
    5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
    6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
    7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
    8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
    10. You know you've landed more...

    Flying isn't dangerous

    Hot 1 year ago

    1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
    2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
    3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
    4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
    5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
    6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
    7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
    8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
    10. You know you've landed with more...

    15 actual announcements taken from church bulletins:1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help.2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs.5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.7. Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.9. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.10. This being Easter Sunday, more...

    A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

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