Congregation Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bloopers in the church

    Hot 1 year ago

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

    11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on' It's a Terrible Experience'."

    12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

    13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

    14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

    15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

    16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

    17. "Today's Sermon:' How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."

    18. On a church bulletin during more...

    An Act of Charity

    Hot 1 year ago

    An Act of Charity
    One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little
    extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be
    able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the
    pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000
    bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his
    congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had
    placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly
    raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she
    made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave
    so much and asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she
    looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the
    building and said, "
    I'll take him and him and him."

    Church Bloopers

    Hot 1 year ago

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
    Evening massage - 6 p.m.
    The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
    The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
    Ushers will eat latecomers.
    The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
    The pastor will more...

    Church Membership Drive

    Hot 5 years ago

    A very popular local church was having a membership drive and three couples were being interviewed by the pastor. The pastor explained to them that in order to be accepted as members of the church, they would have to show their commitment to God by abstaining from sex for three weeks. He directed them to return in three weeks to meet with him, let him know whether or not they had honored this commitment, and he would make a decision on accepting them as members.
    Three weeks later, the pastor was talking with the three couples and asked the first couple, an elderly couple, how they did. The husband explained that they had abstained from sex for the three weeks, and the pastor welcomed them as new members of the congregation.
    The second couple, a middle-aged couple, explained that they had their urges but were able to abstain from sex for the three weeks. Again, the pastor welcomed the couple as new members of the congregation.
    Finally, the third couple, a newlywed couple, more...

    Right wing preacher

    Hot 5 years ago

    Trying to win over the liberals in his congregation, the right wing preacher said at the end of his sermon, "And if a plane went down carrying the leaders of both parties, in that act, whom do you thing the good Lord will have saved?"
    A small voice from somewhere in the congregation said, "The country?"

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