Choir Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Church Bloopers

    Hot 1 year ago

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
    Evening massage - 6 p.m.
    The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
    The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
    Ushers will eat latecomers.
    The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
    The pastor will more...

    Bloopers in the church

    Hot 6 months ago

    The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

    11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on' It's a Terrible Experience'."

    12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice."

    13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door at the side entrance."

    14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

    15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."

    16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."

    17. "Today's Sermon:' How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a full choir."

    18. On a church bulletin during more...

    The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
    chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
    Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, people ask whether the two fish
    were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
    The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then
    five guys and two women stand up.
    Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
    A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck
    because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
    The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
    In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
    church directory.
    Baptism is referred to as "branding".
    There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
    Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
    High notes on the organ set the more...

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.. .

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.

    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in more...

    A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.
    "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something."
    So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir."
    "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
    "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."
    That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

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