Pat Jokes / Recent Jokes

God summons Pat Buchanan, Nelson Mandela and Shimon Peres. He promises to grant each of them one wish.
Mandela says, "I'd like all of the black people in America who aredescendants of slaves to return to their African homeland."
"No problem," answers God.
Peres says, "I want all of the Jews in the Diaspora to come to the Land of Israel and make it their home."
"It's done," says God. "Pat, you're next. What's your wish?"
Buchanan looks around at Mandela and Peres and asks God, "Did those two guys really get their wishes?"
"Of course," says God.
"Well in that case," says Buchanan, "just gimme a Diet Coke."

Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot.' Don't waste your time,' Pat hollered.' The rifle is not loaded.'' I can't wait,' Mike shouted back.' The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!'

Pat and Mike are playing golf one day and Pat hits a hook off the tee into a deep ravine running alongside the fairway. He goes down into the ravine to look for his ball while Mike takes the cart over to the other side of the fairway.
After a while, Mike realizes that he hasn't seen Pat in quite some time so he goes back over to the ravine. Looking down, he sees his partner sitting on the ground shaking uncontrollably. Next to him is a skeleton clutching a seven iron with a golf ball next to his feet.
Mike descends into the ravine and helps Pat stand up. After he composes himself, Pat says "What do you think we should do?"
"Well," says Mike, "I sure don't think you want to use your seven iron."

The String And Octopus Guide To Parenthood by Colin BowlesPreparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local pharmacy, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest more...

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Irish Mike...."' Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."