Mike Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Christmas Present

    Hot 1 year ago

    It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. Pastor Mike was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures.
    Immediately, Pastor Mike turned towards the church to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Jimmy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.
    Pastor Mike walked up to Jimmy and said, "Well, Jimmy, where did you get the little infant?"
    Jimmy replied, "I got him from the church."
    "And why did you take him?"
    With a sheepish smile, Jimmy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it."

    Q: What kind of cereal does Mike Tyson eat?
    A: Eareeios

    Men and Women Compared

    Hot 7 years ago

    NICKNAMES:
    If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
    EATING OUT:
    When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20 even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
    MONEY:
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need because it's on sale.
    BATHROOMS:
    A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
    ARGUMENTS:
    A woman has the last word in any more...

    Brothers Mike and Seamus O'Malley were the two richest men in town, and complete shites both of' em. They swindled the Church out of its property, foreclosed on the orphanage and cheated widows out of their last mite. And that was just for starters.

    Finally Seamus up and dies, and Mike pays a visit to the priest.
    "Father," he says, "my good name will be upheld in this town. You'll be givin' the eulogy for me brother, and in that eulogy you are going to say "Seamus O'Malley was truly a saint."

    "I won't do such a thing. T'would be a lie!"

    "I know you will," says Mike. "I hold the mortgage on the parish school, and if you don't say those words, I'll foreclose."

    The priest is over a barrel. "And if I pledge to say those words, then you'll sign the note over free and clear?" "Done," cackles Mike, and he signs over the note.

    Next morning at the funeral, the more...

    Boxing Fan

    Hot 7 years ago

    There was this woman who was a big boxing fan, so she went to the tattoo parlor and told the guy that she wanted a picture of Mike Tyson tattooed on the inside of one thigh, and a picture of Evander Holifield tattooed on the inside of the other thigh.
    Several hours later, he announces that he's finished. She looks down at his work, but does not think that the tattoos resemble either fighter, so she decides to get a second opinion.
    She asks another customer in the shop, "Are you a Boxing fan?"
    "Yes" the man replied.
    "Well, could you come inside for a second and answer a question for me?" she asked.
    So they go inside the office and she opens her legs and asks, "Does this look like Mike Tyson and does this look like Holifield?"
    The man bends over and takes a good, long look and says, "I don't know about Tyson and Holifield, but the one in the middle sure does look like Don King! "

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