Beat Jokes

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    A Blonde's Diary

    Hot 9 months ago

    MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
    TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
    WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
    THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
    FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
    SATURDAY: Ron more...

    The best fruit cake ever

    Hot 2 years ago

    1 cup butter
    1 cup sugar
    4 large eggs
    1 cup dried fruit
    1 tsp baking powder
    lemon juice
    1 cup brown sugar
    nuts
    1 or 2 bottles scotch whiskey
    Before you start, sample the scotch to check quality. Good isn't it? Now start baking.
    Select a large misking bowl, measuring cup etc.
    Check the scotch again, as it must be just right.
    To be sure that the scotch is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.
    With an electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
    And one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
    Meanwhile, make sure the scotch is still OK.
    Cry another cup.
    Open second bottle if necessary.
    Ant tow large leggs, 2 cups dried fruit and beat till high.
    If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry loose with drewscriver.
    Next, sift three cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter.
    Sample scotch again.
    Sift half cup of lemon juice.
    Fold in more...

    Karate Expert

    Hot 2 years ago

    Blonde Joe was a handsome young man, but definitely not the brightest guy around. Each day when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
    Finally, Joe decided it would be in his best interest to walk a different route, but it would also be wise to take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
    He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.
    One day, on his way home from work, Joe confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there were the same three thugs. He walked up to them and the battle began.
    The next afternoon, Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
    His instructor was shocked and asked him what had happened.
    "Well," Joe explained, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."
    "So what happened?" asked his more...

    Herman

    Hot 4 years ago

    A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
    A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
    Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
    "What happened to you? the officer asks.
    "A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
    "Can you describe what they looked like?"
    "I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

    Christmas Cake Recipe

    Hot 2 years ago

    CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE You'll need the following: 1 cup of water
    1 cup of sugar
    4 large brown eggs
    2 cups of dried fruit
    1 teaspoon of salt
    1 cup of brown sugar
    Lemon juice
    Nuts
    1 bottle of whisky
    Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
    highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
    in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
    Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
    fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
    Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
    Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can more...

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