Murray Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one-day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $50."
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
"So," asks Abe, "did you get your fifty dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"

A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, “Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L.L.D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice.”Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, “You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!”Through his tears, Murray croaks, “You don't understand! They left out the phone number!”

Florida State football coach Bill Peterson: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Mike Tyson, about writer Wallace Matthews: "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."
Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
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