Cambridge Jokes

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    No sword!

    Hot 6 years ago

    At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
    Proctor: I beg your pardon?
    Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
    Proctor: Sorry, no.
    Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
    At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
    Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

    - From the interviewee: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman)

    - "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)

    - "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers." (Murray Walker)

    - "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin." (Jo Sheldon)

    - "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." (Ted Lowe)

    - "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right." (Marlon Starling)

    - "I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge." (John Snagge - Boat Race between only Oxford and Cambridge)

    - "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." (

    (I heard this from an MIT grad, who says it's a classic).
    A student pushes a loaded shopping cart up to the express checkout
    lane at a Cambridge grocery store. The cashier looks at the cart,
    looks at the student, looks at the "EXPRESS-EIGHT ITEMS OR LESS"
    sign, and says to the student, "Are you from Harvard, where they
    don't know how to count, or MIT, where they don't know how to read?"

    The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge (Massachusetts) via
    Massachusetts Avenue is commonly know as the Harvard Bridge. When it
    was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school
    that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an
    essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding
    that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge
    named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge
    and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named
    for Harvard.

    Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits. It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color. No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car. Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes. Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
    It is illegal to frighten a pigeon. Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden. There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the more...

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