500 Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500, 000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500, 000.""Thats a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?""Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?""Sure" replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "Thats a pretty nice car, alright!"Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the more...

    A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.
    Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500, 000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32, 000. Are you ready?"
    Pam: "Yes."
    Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it
    A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
    Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
    Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
    Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
    Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."
    Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) more...

    Dr M were meeting the other Asean leaders in KL. As the Proton (Wira and Perdana) sales were not going too well, he took the opportunity to do some hard sell to these guys. Dr M:' President Suharto, how many Protons will you be able to buy?' Suh.:' 2000 is not a problem.' Dr M (very happy):' Thanks. President Ramos, how about you?' Ramos:' Deliver 5000 to Philippines next week.' Dr M:' Thanks for the support.' Sultan Bolkiah (determined not to be outdone):' Brunei roads can well afford another 10, 000 Protons. Send them over next month.' Dr M by now is very pleased that his hard sell is doing so well. Finally he turned to Goh Chok Tong. Dr M:' Mr Goh, how about you?' Goh:' I will take 500 cars, but with the special condition that they be painted in pink.' Dr M:' That is not a problem. But I wonder, why choose pink when we have so many other nice colors?' Goh:' That's because I have to find 500 suckers.'

    A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500, 000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.

    The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".

    The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500, 000."

    "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

    "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

    The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"

    "Sure" replies the owner.

    So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice more...

    Dear Sirs,
    I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
    accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient....
    I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
    pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor.
    Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
    tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, more...

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