Abe Jokes

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    Orange Yarn

    Hot 2 years ago

    Abraham is an old Jewish man who is a yarn merchant. He lives next door to the biggest anti-Semite in town. One day the anti-Semite calls up Abraham and says,' Hey Jew!!!... I need a piece of orange yarn. The length must be from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered tomorrow.'

    Abe says,' OK.'

    The next morning the Anti-Semite is awakened at 7 AM by the sound of running engines. He runs outside to see a row trucks lined up one after the other, dumping truckful after truckful of orange yarn in his front yard. Soon his yard is a 5-foot deep sea of orange yarn. Abe then presents a bill for $18,000 to the anti-Semite.

    The guy starts yelling and screaming at Abe.' What is this? This is not what I asked for! I told you I needed a piece of yarn from the end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this place! What do you have to say for yourself?'

    Straightfaced, Abe replies' I'm very careful when I deal with more...

    Knock Knock Who's there! Abe! Abe who? Abe C D E F G H...!

    Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?" Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!" Abe says, "So what's the bad news?" Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"

    Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?"Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!"Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"

    It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caughtbetween towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finallyslid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through the drifts to the house, and after a shortconversation with the lady who answered the door, they were able toconvince her that they were no danger to her, and she let them come in. She prepared a meal for them, and during the conversation Abe andMorey learned that she was a widow of a few years standing. Conditions continued to deteriorate, and she prepared the guest roomfor Abe and Morey. The next day about 10: 00 AM, a snowplow came through and helpfullypulled the salesmen's car our of the ditch, after cleaning the road. Abe and Morey thanked th widow Brown and went on their rounds. Nine months later, Abe called Morey, and asked if Morey had, by somechance, more...

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