Ghost Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: What do little ghosts drink?
    A: Evaporated milk.
    Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
    A: Because people are dying to get in.
    Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
    A: Just before someone screams.
    Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
    A: ''How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?''
    Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
    A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
    Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
    A: A spoiled bat.
    Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
    A: ''You're under a vest!''
    Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
    A: He had to give it back.
    Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
    A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
    Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
    A: A dead ringer.
    Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
    A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
    Q: Which more...

    Ghost Fun.

    Hot 6 years ago

    This one I heard from my friend:
    There was a man who stopped by a hotel and asked to use the bathroom.
    The manager said, "Sure but our bathroom is haunted by a ghost."
    The man said, "I'm not afraid of no ghost."
    So the man goes into the bathroom and he hears, "I'm the ghost of Willy Winky. I'll lick your balls and eat your weenie."
    The man runs out screaming, and the hotel manager shakes his head and yells, "I told you so!"
    Another man comes by and says, "Oh crap, I really need to use your bathroom!"
    The manager says, "Sure but there's a ghost haunting the bathroom."
    The man replies, "I don't believe in ghosts!"
    The man goes in the bathroom and hears, "I'm the ghost of Willy Winky. I'll lick your balls and eat your weenie."
    The man then runs out screaming.
    Then Santa Claus comes in and says, "I really need to use your bathroom."
    The manager says, more...

    Lost quarto of Hamlet

    Hot 4 years ago

    This recently discovered folio edition of "Hamlet" follows other known
    versions closely until Act V, Scene II, where it begins to diverge at
    line 232, as will be seen:
    KING...'Now the king drinks to Hamlet.' Come, begin,
    And you the judges, bear a wary eye
    Trumpets sound. HAMLET and LAERTES take their stations
    HAMLET: Come on, sir.
    LAERTES: Come, my lord.
    Enter FRED, DAPHNE, VELMA, SHAGGY, AND SCOOBY
    DAPHNE: Wait!
    SHAGGY: Stop the fight!
    HAMLET and LAERTES put up their foils
    KING: I like this not. Say wherefore you do speak?
    FRED: Good lord, I pray thee, let thy anger wait.
    For we, in seeking clues, have found the truth
    Behind the strange events of latter days.
    VELMA: The first clue came from Elsinore's high walls,
    Where, so said Hamlet, Hamlet's ghost did walk.
    Yet though the elder Hamlet met his death,
    And perforce hath been buried in the ground,
    'Tis yet true one would not expect a more...

    One night George Bush awakens from a fitfull sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of George Washington. Dubya begs of Washington's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my country?"
    "That's easy," replies Washington's Ghost. "Set an honest and honorable example, just like I did." And with that he was gone.
    On the next night George Bush awakens from a fitfill sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. Duby begs of Jefferson's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my country?"
    "That's easy," replies Jefferson's Ghost. "Cut taxes and streamline the federal government, just like I did." And with that he was gone.
    On the third night George Bush awakens from a fitfull sleep to find himself visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Dubya begs of Lincoln's spirit, "Tell me: As president, what's the best thing I can do for my more...

    Supernatural redneck

    Hot 5 years ago

    A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
    "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
    "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.
    "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've more...

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